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When you ask for a favor, you’re essentially doing sales. You’re selling someone else your needs at the cost of their time, energy, and/or money.
And that’s what you’ve got to realize: It’s not all about you. While this favor benefits you in some way, you’re putting this person out in another way. You need to acknowledge that and compensate for it.
Having empathy like this is absolutely necessary for two reasons:
Check out this amazing email I got from a reader a while back that did exactly this.


 


 


I LOVE IT.
This email is the perfect example of everything that goes into learning how to ask for a favor:
By the time I finished the email, I was clamoring for the phone to call him. THAT’S how you ask for a favor.
However, if you feel like you’re putting them out by asking for this favor, stop. You’ve already failed.
Your mental framework matters. You need to believe you’re going to get whatever you ask for. If you’re going to play, play to win. Don’t try. Don’t hope. You’ve already decided to do it … you might as well do it right.
Go in with a winner’s mentality.
You should go in ACKNOWLEDGING that you are asking them to go out of their way. But that doesn’t mean you go in thinking that you’re “bothering” them or that this is a waste of their time.
That’s why I want to go over the “What if I were perfect” technique.
I’ve talked about this technique before but it’s important to mention again because it has everything to do with confidence.
Let’s say that you were trying to become more confident about public speaking, or cooking, or running, or starting a business. Whatever.
With these goals come a set of crippling barriers:
And many times, that’s enough to screw up. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.
That’s what happened when I was younger and I thought nobody would ever show up to my personal finance class — and nobody did. That’s because I already set myself up for failure with my mental barriers.
Instead, just ask yourself, “What if I were the absolute master of this domain? What if I were perfect and had all the knowledge — in the world — what would I do?”
You wouldn’t get overwhelmed by going to the store, buying onions, and learning how to chop them. You wouldn’t get overwhelmed by going to the gym and hitting the treadmill. I definitely wouldn’t have been bothered by getting people to attend my personal finance class.
…but you don’t have to take the same path as everyone else. How would it look if you designed a Rich Life on your own terms? Take our quiz and find out:
And you wouldn’t get psyched out by asking someone for a favor.
You would just do what was necessary to accomplish your goals. This technique helps you get past your own mental barriers and say, “If I were perfect, how would I handle this issue?”
Using this exercise is a great way to become more confident over time.
For more help, I created a video for you on how to develop natural confidence. It’s only six minutes but you’ll learn some great mental frameworks.
Many people think that you have to lie or at least tell a white lie when it comes to asking for something. They believe you’ll be more successful if you butter someone up and give them a bunch of phony reasons to do something.
Wrong.
Being truthful is what makes people believe you and want to help you. Studies show that when you come at people from a place of honesty you not only make yourself and your relationship with that person happier but it’s also better for your mental health (per UC San Diego’s Emotion Lab).
Think about it. If I want my brother-in-law to introduce me to his boss, he’s going to be pissed if I come to him with the pretense of asking how his Thai cooking classes are going.
“Hey I saw that pad thai you made on Instagram the other day. Awesome stuff. Do you think your boss likes pad thai too?”
Fail. Instead he’ll respect me if I am direct and tell him, “Hey, I really want an intro to your boss because I think I could help him with XYZ goal.”
Nobody likes a needy person. But if you act like you don’t really need your favor granted, you’re more likely to get what you want.
I‘ve explained this before in the context of negotiating your way out of paying bank fees. Banks want your money however they can get it, but if you threaten to leave the bank they’ll clear any charges in no time.
I’m not saying threaten to terminate a friendship or partnership because they’re not presenting what you want on a gold platter.
Instead, lead into the conversation with something organic. For example, “Hey, do you still want those tickets for the game on Thursday? I’m happy to give them away since I know you love the team — but I was hoping I could ask you for a favor. Would you have a couple of hours to help me move this weekend?”
It’s like my system for asking for a raise from your boss or raising your freelance rates for your clients: Always do it after you’ve added value.
Did you just crush a project at work that increased sales by 100%? Perfect time to ask for that raise.
Did you create an email for your client that doubled leads for them? Strike while the iron is hot and raise your rates.
This isn’t all to say that you should be doing favors for other people strictly so you can have a bargaining chip for when you need a favor. What I’m saying is your chances of having your favor granted increase immensely when you’ve done something nice for the other person.
Think about my birthday example. It doesn’t actually matter to you that it’s my birthday. But, because of how our society is set up, you feel like you owe me one because of the value I’ve provided you. It’s totally okay to leverage situations like that.
When you ask for directions, would you go up to someone and say, “How do I go somewhere?”
Of course not. Not only would you sound like an idiot, but you wouldn’t get what you want. Instead you ask specifically, “How do I get to the Farmhouse Restaurant?”
The same goes when you ask for your favor. Make sure you have a very specific ask in mind.
Don’t ask: “Can you get me a job?”
Ask: “Can you give me a warm intro to Ross Currier? He’s your head of accounting at Company XYZ, and there’s a position opening up under him that I’m interested in.”
Don’t ask: “Are you around this weekend?”
Ask: “Are you free on Saturday afternoon? I need to pick up a couch from ABC Store and I was wondering if you could drive me over in your pickup to get it.”
Be direct. Be succinct. When you say exactly what you want, people know exactly how to help you.
A great example of this was when I asked a few of my entrepreneur friends to contribute to an e-book I was writing.
I knew that all these people were incredibly busy, so I needed to offer value to them and show them that the favor wasn’t a waste of their time.
Here’s a private email I wrote to NYT bestselling author Ben Casnocha when I wanted him to help me with an e-book I was working on. My comments are in brackets:
A few takeaways:
Asking and taking favors have positive benefits in building professional and personal relationships. Asking for favors is a good reason to stay in touch with people. If you’re regularly in touch with someone, they’ll feel invested in your success.
A five-minute favor is exactly what it sounds like; a small action you can take to help someone out that takes less than five minutes. It is suggested that you too, should be willing to do something that will take you five minutes or less for anybody. A five-minute favor is a small way to add significant value to other people’s lives. 
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Host of Netflix’s “How To Get Rich”, NYT Bestselling Author, & Host of the I Will Teach You To Be Rich Podcast. I’ll show you how to take control of your money with my proven strategies so you can live your RICH LIFE.
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